Parenting Arrangements After Separation

When parents separate, one of the most important questions is often: What happens with the children?

Where children will live, how much time they spend with each parent, holidays, school arrangements and important decisions about their lives can all need to be worked through.

Some parents are able to agree on these arrangements themselves. For others, different expectations, changing circumstances or concerns about a child's wellbeing can make things much more difficult.

Why it matters

When children are involved in a separation, their welfare and best interests are central to decisions about their care.

Parenting arrangements aren't simply about dividing a child's time equally between two parents. Every family is different, and arrangements can depend on factors such as the child's age, existing relationships, schooling, practical circumstances and individual needs.

Understanding how parenting arrangements work in New Zealand can help parents know what options are available and when legal assistance may be useful.

Many parents wonder

Who decides where the children live?

Parents will often try to agree between themselves about where their children will live and when they will spend time with each parent.

These arrangements can be relatively informal, or parents may want a more structured agreement.

Where parents cannot agree, New Zealand family law provides processes for resolving parenting disputes. Depending on the circumstances, this can involve family dispute resolution, lawyers and, in some cases, the Family Court.

Does shared care always mean 50/50?

Not necessarily.

"Shared care" can mean different things for different families. It doesn't automatically require children to spend exactly half their time with each parent.

The practical arrangement may depend on the children's needs, their ages, school and activities, the parents' locations and other circumstances.

The focus is generally on finding arrangements that work for the children rather than simply dividing days equally between adults.

What is a Parenting Order?

A Parenting Order is an order made by the Family Court dealing with the care of a child.

It can address matters such as who provides the child's day-to-day care and when a child has contact with another person.

Not every separated family needs a Parenting Order. Many parents make their own arrangements without going to court. But where agreement cannot be reached or more formal arrangements are required, legal processes may become relevant.

What's the difference between day-to-day care and guardianship?

This is an important distinction that isn't always obvious.

Day-to-day care generally concerns the child's everyday living arrangements and who is caring for them at particular times.

Guardianship involves important decisions affecting a child's life. These can include matters such as education, significant medical treatment, culture, religion and where a child lives.

Separation doesn't automatically mean that one parent simply gains the right to make all important decisions alone.

Can one parent move somewhere else with the children?

Relocation can become a significant issue after separation, particularly where a proposed move would affect the children's relationship or contact with the other parent.

A move to another city - or particularly another country - can raise important legal questions where parents or guardians don't agree.

These situations can become complex quickly, which is one reason parents facing a potential relocation dispute often seek specialist family law advice.

Can parenting arrangements be changed later?

Yes, parenting arrangements aren't necessarily fixed forever.

Children grow, families move, schools change and parents' circumstances can change.

Whether and how an existing arrangement or Parenting Order can be changed depends on the circumstances and on what type of arrangement is already in place.

What if parents simply can't agree?

Disagreement doesn't automatically mean a family needs to go straight to court.

New Zealand has processes designed to help separated parents resolve parenting disputes, including Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) in appropriate cases.

However, some situations may require more urgent or specialist legal assistance, particularly where there are concerns about safety, family violence or a child's wellbeing.

Other questions parents often have

• •How are school holidays and Christmas divided?
• •Who makes decisions about schooling?
• •What happens if one parent wants to move away?
• •Can grandparents or other family members have contact with the children?
• •What happens if a parent doesn't follow an agreed arrangement?
• •Do children get a say in what happens?
• •Do we need a formal Parenting Order?
• •What happens if there are concerns about family violence or safety?

The answer can depend heavily on the circumstances of the particular family.

When can a family lawyer help?

A family lawyer can explain how New Zealand parenting and guardianship law applies to a particular situation and what options may be available.

That doesn't necessarily mean starting Family Court proceedings.

A lawyer may be able to assist with understanding existing arrangements, negotiating parenting issues, formalising agreements, Family Dispute Resolution, Parenting Orders or situations where parents are unable to reach agreement.

Where there are more complex issues - such as relocation, significant disagreement between parents, family violence or concerns about a child's safety - finding a lawyer with experience in the relevant area of family law can be particularly important.